Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
