At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
