So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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