I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm having to shit out rocks
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
