i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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