I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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