Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
