Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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