I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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