Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
