I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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