i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
