the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
