I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
