if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Randomize
