im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
