Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
