just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
