i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
