I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
