So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
