the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
