Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
