Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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