I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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