You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
