just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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