The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My penis needs a shock collar
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
