talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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