I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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