thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
