The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
