wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
