you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
