$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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