You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
sex in a hospital.. check
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
