sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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