theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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