It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
