My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
