Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
