i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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