I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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