Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i think my mom watched the whole time
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
