I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
