i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
