Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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