That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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