five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
4 words: hood of his car
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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