The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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