He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
