Yo dont text me then not text me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
