Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I need to stop coming to work sober
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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